New York / New York City: Know the Difference

With few exceptions, whenever anyone asks where I come from, I always tell them, "Upstate New York, in a rural area just south of the Adirondack Mountains," or something similar, to which they invariably reply, "I've been there!  Isn't Times Square great?  Don't you just love Fifth Avenue?"

I generally smile and nod.  New York City is familiar enough to me that I can usually whip up an anecdote or two; and then we compare landmarks until we discover a location we've both visited.

What I don't say is: "Which of the words 'upstate,' 'rural' and 'mountains' did you not understand?  I do not, nor have I ever, lived in New York City and I'm not going to pretend I have just because it's the only place you've ever gone abroad to besides the Isle of Wight."

That would be rude and uncalled for and we don't do that here.  It also might cause embarrassing lulls in the conversations, and nobody likes that.  Beside, they mean well and can't know that, like Canadians when they are asked what part of the United States they come from, we non-city New Yorkers have a sort of hot button about people assuming we live in The City just because we're from New York.  (I expect Floridians have similar experiences attempting to prevail over the common belief that, if you’re not an inmate of a retirement community, you live in Disney World.)

Imagine how you would feel if you moved to Iowa (hey, it could happen) and every time you told anyone you were from England they exclaimed, "Wow!  I was there once; it was great!  Isn't Buckingham Palace impressive?  And don't you just love Covent Gardens?" when you are from Haltwhistle *.  (Actually, I suppose you would never have to worry about something like that because you'd be too busy fending off people effusing, "Ohmigod, I love your accent!  Say something for me!"  So I guess we can call it even.)

What I think is a pity, is that many Brits who visit the US never seem to get very far from Rockefeller Center or the Pirates of the Caribbean Ride and I have to wonder if the impression you have of America is that it is normal to walk around dressed up in a duck suit (this is applicable to Disney World or New York City).

There really is more to the States than pretzel vendors, skyscrapers and alligator-ridden swamps, and you should get out to see it.  Really, you should.

For example, next time you're in Kansas, make sure you stop off in LaCrosse.  Don't be lulled into thinking this is where the esoteric yet exciting game of lacrosse originated and that they host the Lacrosse Hall of Fame or anything as mundane as that (if you're ever in Baltimore, however, you might want to check it out.  No, LaCrosse's claim to fame is the Barbed Wire Museum.  Plan to be there during May to so you don't miss the Barbed Wire Swap Meet at the Barnard Library.  Bring the kids and make sure you have plenty of film in your camera. 

If you like lots of sunshine and wide-open spaces, there's the UFO Festival in Roswell, New Mexico.  The event runs from the third through the sixth of July this year.  Book early; I understand the tickets are going fast. 

The adventurous among you might want to try tornado chasing, but if that sounds like too much excitement, visit Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania and the amazing, weather-predicting groundhog, Puxatony Phil.  I'm sure they have a theme restaurant, as well. 

And if you're passing through Iowa, be sure to visit Villisca for a peek at the Ax Murder House and Museum.  Or, if you find yourself anywhere near Audubon, do yourself a favor and swing by the town square to see Albert, the world's largest concrete bull, sporting (as proclaimed proudly by the town’s PR managers) a set of truly impressive concrete gonads.

You might not have as good a time, but at least you won't have the same, boring holiday photos of your kids hugging Mickey Mouse or views of Manhattan from the top of the Empire State Building.

On the other hand, when you do meet me and tell me about your trip to The States, I won't have been to any of those places and we won't have any common experiences to discuss.  So I guess you should just visit New York or Florida (I've been to both) and I'll keep pretending I was born and raised in The City.

At the very least, it will help minimize those pesky and embarrassing conversational lulls.

* Note to Americans: think Caribou, Maine