We're Number Two

Even I am astonished by the power of this web site.  Just ten days after posting about how Horsham has been getting an undeserved drubbing as a terrible place to live, a new poll--released by Channel Four--ranked my adopted home as the second best place in all of the UK to put down roots.

While I remain surprised by the number of people who rallied to Horsham's defense due to my web article (that must have been the reason, don't you think?) I am in no way shocked by the outcome.  Horsham is, as I've always maintained, a nice place to live.  The only place nicer is Winchester, city of the famous cathedral that failed to ring its bells when someone's baby left town, or so the song says.

Horsham is populated by polite people who earn a good living; people who, when they walk past you on the street, quietly mind their own business and rarely ever try to slit your throat with a broken beer bottle and set you on fire just so they can steal your mobile phone.  This is good news, indeed, for my wife, whose original home--Hackney in east London--ranked dead last in the same poll (dead being the operative word; there is actually a street in her old neighborhood dubbed by the locals as 'murder mile').  Good thing she had the sense to leave when she was three.

Horsham has low unemployment, low taxes and no homeless.  It is also one of the sunniest places in Britain and enjoys, along with the rest of the southeast, mild winters and relatively bug free summers.

On the downside, the general lack of excitement was mentioned (as if that's a bad thing), along with overcrowding and expensive housing.  And what do wealthy, bored people do with themselves?  Mostly, it seems, they eat: one in five Horsham residents is overweight.  No wonder I feel so at home here.

And Horsham is interesting, in it's own way.  At least three or four times a year I am surprised by the unexpected appearance of carnival rides, flaming baton jugglers, people on stilts dressed up as giant flies or hordes of men prancing around with jingle bells strapped to their ankles while whacking at each other with big sticks.  Having the option of walking out your front door and finding a giant slide not ten minutes away is quite gratifying.  I've never actually gone down the slide, mind, but the opportunity is there if I ever decide I want to.  Can you say the same about your town?

The survey can be found here and there is even a video here but I warn you, RealPlayer is required and it is one pain in the ass to download and install.  And even when you tick the box telling it you don't want it to be your default media player it still hijacks your computer, though if you're one of the 'Bill Gates is the Anti-Christ crowd' you probably won't mind so much.

So don't take my word for it; check out the survey. Just don't get any ideas about moving here--it's already too crowded.  Go to Winchester instead; I hear it's nicer.