C H A N G E S

Debit Card Transactions:
Bad enough I have to pay to take money out of an ATM, but now—as I discovered after returning home and checking my US bank statement—I get dinged every single time I take my Debit card out of my wallet. How did they sneak this past you? When the banks tried to impose ATM fees here, the people screamed bloody murder and they backed down. Don’t let your banks walk over you like that, show some backbone for chrissake!

Roundabouts:
In driving through my old hometown, I encountered, of all things, a roundabout. I felt like I had just entered a parallel universe. When did these suddenly become popular? How am I supposed to make jokes about roundabouts when you have them as well?

What's up with this! 

Denny's:
Imagine my disappointment when I went into a Denny’s and couldn’t find Eggs Benedict on the menu. This is a sad state of affairs; you are obviously not taking very good care of the country in my absence.

Same restaurant, different menu;
everything just keeps getting shittier and shittier. 

Free Ice Water:
For years I’ve been bragging to my English friends about how, in America, you get free ice water with every meal. On this visit, however, we were only brought ice water at real restaurants (i.e. not Denny’s). What happened?

The Price of Gasoline:
$3.00 for a gallon of gas!! Wow, that’s cheap! (Try about $8.00 a gallon, pal.)

Bumper Stickers:
I didn’t see many bumper stickers this visit. Those ribbon stickers seem to have replaced them. It must be hard to fit “Don’t like my driving, go fuck yourself” on one of those little things.

Demerara (Brown) sugar:
This is the norm in European café's and restaurants and I was pleased to see it making headway in the US. I don’t know why this pleases me; I guess it just seems exotic.

Demerara sugar, simple but exotic. 

Carb-Counting:
The last time I was in the US, you were all manically counting your carbohydrate intake. Glad to see you’ve found better uses for your time.

Beverage Holders:
I have always admired the American automobile manufacturers for thinking up so many ways to cram the maximum number of beverage holders into a single vehicle. They aren't so keen on them in the UK and I miss them. On my recent visit, I notice you can now buy baby strollers with beverage holders—now that's a sign of a truly advance civilization.

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